This piece may not be my absolute favourite, but it means a lot to me in many ways. It was my first time playing freely with all of my supplies and not caring about “the rules”. It was my first time drawing hands, without direction. I played and experimented with everything I had, with no attachment to the outcome. It started off as a canvas board that I had started a mixed media mantra background on…but I let the heat gun get too hot, and melt the paint, and a good portion of it peeled, and I was sad and didn’t know what to do. Then I discovered PanPastels, and I wanted to test the pastel ground over an acrylic background, that I didn’t care about…so this board came back out. I loved the colours, so if it did work, it’d be great, but I couldn’t make it any worse. The pastel ground dried clear, and the PanPastels went on top beautifully. I used my fingers and got messy. I used my watercolours that I was just starting to learn about. I used stamps and tissue paper collage and watercolour and acrylics, pastel pencils, Pitt Pens and tombow markers, among other supplies. I used my gelli plate. Absolutely everything, and this little gem fell out of the supplies, breathing life into a golden butterfly, and my heart.
By completing this piece, and feeling the compliments people were giving me on her, it gave me the confidence to try more new things, more difficult and original pieces. It helped me learn what it feels like to get out of my head and follow my heart. She was even accepted into the Art in the Workplace Exhibition #19 at the end of 2015, my first exhibit!
Now, I look at her, and I think about creating her again…with my new face and hand drawing skills, with my knowledge of abstract flowers, with my knowledge of supplies. But I don’t. Because I’m afraid I will expect something better, and it will not be as free and loving and delicate. But behind the fear, there is an acceptance. She is how she is as a part of the story of my journey into creativity and art. I need to keep moving forward. Believe in myself and try new things! That’s what she taught me already, why oh why would I go back and try to perfect her? Especially, when perfection does not exist.
“All of your wishes can come true. It is your own doubt that blocks them from coming through.” – Phil Good
I am currently looking at reaching for an amazing opportunity, and this quote, related to the inspiration I used for this piece originally, is very relevant in my life again. To apply with the images I have? Or to create something new??? I don’t want to procrastinate, but I also don’t want to rush. hmm…what to do?
Do you have a dream you are blocking with your own doubt? What is it? What is your plan to get past it?