I was purging clothes the other day, and a lot came up for me. In spring/summer 2015 I was at my heaviest non-pregnant weight. This was the last time I purged clothes, during The Wear Your Joy Project with Kelly Rae Roberts. I had been holding onto a lot of clothes, and not wanting to shop because I was going to lose weight, but never successful at doing so. During the Wear Your Joy Project, I came to a place of love and acceptance within myself. I am worthy of happiness now, and I love myself the way I am now. So I purged most of my too small clothes, keeping the jeans and a few special items in the closet, out of sight so there was no guilt about not fitting into them. And I went shopping for clothes that “delighted” me. In fact, the only clothes I kept were items that made me happy and feel good, which at the time, wasn’t much. And then, I went shopping…lol. I allowed myself to be the size that I was, and embrace happiness there.
It seems that this act of self love and acceptance was necessary for me achieve before I was able to take care of my body, and lose the excess weight. It doesn’t seem to be enough to want to change, because that comes from a place of scarcity and not being enough. Once I embraced and started to love myself, I was able to make positive changes. And one small change lead to another and another until here I am, almost 50lbs lighter, and purging my clothes again.
I went through the same process this time, trying on clothes and keeping what delights me. This gets more complicated now, however, because I have a lot of clothes that I bought during my new self love and acceptance time that I really do love, they just don’t fit anymore, and I don’t have the time to try and alter them. So away they went…3 garbage bags full of clothes and coats, including this pair of jeans. Wow, this is a proud moment where I can actually see my transformation.
And then it hits me…the gremlins, the what if’s. It is hard for me to give away my “big” clothes, because I don’t fully trust myself to keep the weight off. I don’t trust that I won’t revert back to familiar habits and poor choices. Which is ridiculous, because I have changed my lifestyle completely. Sure, I still make poor food choices. And sure, some days (like yesterday), I sleep in and don’t do my workout or run, and I have to accept that. BUT, one slip is just one slip. It doesn’t have to mean sliding down the slope, because the good habits didn’t all happen at once either. One small step at a time. It’s like a dance, 2 steps forward, one step back, always looking forward and moving.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined myself as a runner, doing strength training with the GPP Project, and nurturing my body with shakeology. And yet, here I am. Beach body and the GPP Project focus on personal development and growth. Self love is such an important step in anything that we dream to do. If you’re struggling to get somewhere that you want to be, I highly recommend pausing for a moment, looking at where you are, and really feeling gratitude for what you have and what you are right now, in this moment. For I truly believe that it is with this act of self love and acceptance, that we are able to take the first step towards the change in which we desire.